Shadows of the Past
by Wolfsbane394
Summary: One-shot. Andromeda takes some time to remember her life; the ups, the downs and the people she lost during the many wars she lived through. Because for her, it wasn't just Voldemort. Rated T for angst and language.


**Shadows of the Past**

The room has barely changed since she was last there, so many years ago. A layer of dust creaks under her shoes and the old couch doesn't look as inviting as it once did, but otherwise it looks just the same as it did when she first came there. Her eyes roam the room hungrily, as if searching for a clue, something from their past together. She stops, and rests her gaze at the mantelpiece. A forgotten, dust-covered photograph stands there, and in two quick strides she has reached it. Her hearts begin to beat faster as she takes it down and blows the dust away.

It's a copy of their wedding photo, forgotten and left behind when they had to leave. Her eyes fill with tears as she looks down at Ted, twenty-six years younger and full of life. He grins, the warm, light-brown eyes twinkling as he waves up at her and shakes his dark-blonde fringe out of his eyes. His left arm is draped over a young, beautiful girl with chocolate-brown curls dancing over her back and dark-blue eyes filled to the brim with love and hope. She is dressed in a simple white, strapless dress, nothing special, and nothing that tells about her past. But the hand that holds the photo clenches – she knows what's hidden beyond the carefully arranged smile.

She remembers the day clearly. Ted had been wonderful, and she had never loved him as much as she did that day. But while the wedding had been a happy occurrence, with his parents and siblings, and all of their friends, there had been empty rows. Her parents and sisters hadn't been there – they hadn't even answered the invitation.

She sinks down into the couch, dust rising and floating lazily in the air. A small tear rolls down her cheek and hits the photograph. She can't believe that twenty-six years ago she married Ted Tonks. She can't believe that twenty-five years ago she gave birth to a daughter. But what's even harder to believe is that they are both gone, dead, and that she will never see them again.

A sob shakes her body and breaks the silence. And, just like that, her walls break. Tears start flowing freely, and without being able to stop it, the memories do to.

The first time she noticed him, she was twelve. She had, of course, seen him before, but never really paid him any attention. But that day in May, when she sat out on the grounds with Bellatrix, she noticed him. He was playing with his friends down by the lake, joking around and laughing. She hadn't been able to stop herself from staring at him – his infectious laugh, how the wind ruffled his hair, it all fascinated her.

"Bella," she had asked, "who's that boy?" Bellatrix had looked up from her homework and followed Andromeda's gaze. She had snorted, turned away and answered in a voice dripping with contempt.

"He is just a mudblood, Andy, stay away from him."

And Andromeda had nodded, turned away, and pushed the blonde Hufflepuff out of her mind. But she couldn't forget the way her stomach flipped with his laugh, or the slight blush she had felt creeping up her cheeks.

The first time she ever talked to him was when she was thirteen. It was October, and she had just finished her homework. The library was quiet and cozy, but Andromeda had promised to spend the evening with her sisters and hurried to pack her books. She was hurrying along the corridor, checking if she had gotten all her books with her, when she turned a corner and collided with someone.

"Whoa!" Andromeda heard a boy's voice exclaim as she fell to the ground, her books flying everywhere. She looked up, annoyed, to see who had run into her. But her annoyance faltered as she met the eyes of the boy who had laughed by the lake a few months prior.

"Sorry," he said quickly, looking concerned, "are you alright?" He reached out to pull her up, but she automatically pushed the hand away. He was a mudblood, and she knew that she shouldn't even talk to the likes of him. Instead she rose as gracefully as she could and started to collect her books again without saying a word. He didn't seem to get the hint, though.

"Here, let me help," he said instead, reaching down for her potions book.

"No!" she exclaimed, horrified by the thought of a mudblood touching her books. He froze, watching her with a confused look. "Just leave me alone, I don't need any help from a mudblood like you!"

And suddenly he stood up straight again, staring at her with an annoyed, but sad, look. Then he turned around and sprinted back the way he came from, leaving a shocked Andromeda to wonder what she had done wrong.

When she was fourteen, she started to realize that she had a crush. They had talked a few more times in the time that had gone by, mostly when the teachers paired them together in classes. She had been polite, but kept her distance. He had tried to raise a conversation, tried to get her to laugh or lighten up nearly every time, but never succeeded.

But the more she tried to ignore him, the harder it became. Her stomach flipped, her cheeks reddened and her hands clenched each time she saw him, and she knew that it would only be a matter of time before it became noticeable. And that would be the ultimate nightmare; what would Bella say if she realized that Andromeda, a daughter of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, had a crush on a mudblood? Andromeda shuddered and tried to push her thoughts away from the Tonks boy, away from his kind smile, contagious laugh, soft hair and beautiful, twinkling eyes…

"Damn!" Andromeda almost screamed in frustration – why couldn't her life just be simple? Why did she _have _to get a crush on one of the most of-limits boys in her year?

Christmas seemed to come early the year of her OWLs. The autumn had flown by, taken the fifth years with them in a storm of homework, lectures and panic attacks. No one seemed to be safe from the cruel claws of desperation, and when Carolyn Barnes, the best pupil in their year, had to go to the hospital wing for a calming potion, the gossip chain was alight yet again.

While Andromeda and the rest of her year fretted over the exams at the end of the school year, the most important exams yet, the other years seemed to find delight in their panic – especially the fourth and sixth years mocked them. To some people, like Andromeda, this didn't matter at all, but to others, like her best friend, Lucy, found it annoying beyond belief.

"Ugh!" she exclaimed in the dormitory three days before Christmas holidays. "I don't get why they can't just give it a rest!"

But with all the work the teachers were piling on them, the Christmas holidays came as a relief for the whole year. Andromeda, especially, was excited for the upcoming holidays – it would be the first Christmas spent at Hogwarts. There were several reasons – she wanted to be able to use the library ("Honestly, Andy, you might as well be a Ravenclaw!" Lucy protested), her parents had been invited to go to France with the Nott's, Malfoy's and Rosier's ("It's such an opportunity, dear, I'm sure you understand", her mother's letter told her) and, lastly, she actually wanted to spend the Christmas at school. She had always wondered how it would be, how the castle would be without all the students roaming around, and what it would be like to sleep alone in the dormitory for once.

And, to her surprise, the glory of the wintery castle exceeded all her expectations. She had never seen so much beautiful Christmas decorating, or anything alike to the twelve enormous Christmas trees Hagrid brought in to the Great Hall. But what really made her Christmas fully something special that year happened on the 24th, in late afternoon. Andromeda was on her way to the library, since she needed a potions book, when she suddenly came face to face with a tall, handsome Hufflepuff boy.

"Oops, sorry," he said, giving her a quick grin. For a moment, that grin caught her of guard, but soon her Black manners kicked in, and her facial expression sank back to the indifferent, superior mask all Blacks were taught from the moment they were born.

"Leave me alone, mudblood," she muttered and tried to push her way past him, but his hand on her upper arm stopped her.

"Not so fast, Black." His voice weren't mean or even cold, just curious. "Look."

He pointed upwards, and when Andromeda looked up, her heart froze. Right above them, someone had hung up mistletoe. She moved her gaze until she met his eyes, and suddenly he seemed a lot closer. Who moved next remained a mystery to her for the rest of her life, but his soft lips against hers were not something she would ever forget. For a moment, she forgot that he was a mudblood and a Hufflepuff, for a moment he was just Ted Tonks, _just Ted_, and she felt a magic she had never experienced before spread through her body, something far different than Charms or Transfiguration. He tasted sweet of chocolate and citrus, and she knew, just knew, that that kiss was something more than just a traditional happening beneath mistletoe.

And then it was over. They parted, both with a slightly dazed expression, and when she met his eyes again she knew he could see the blush that had crept up her face. He cleared his throat nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Um, well, I guess I'll see you around… Andromeda." And then he turned and sprinted down the corridor, leaving Andromeda with her thoughts.

After the kiss, something seemed to change inside Andromeda. She started to question her family's views on blood purity and mudbloods, the views she had grown up with. The reason for her questioning was quite simple – Ted. She had spent many long nights awake, contemplating her love for him, despite the fact that he was a mudblood.

She had spent a fair few Hogsmead visits with Ted, and each and every one of them had been more enjoyable than she had ever imagined. She loved the spring afternoons spent talking and laughing, loved the feeling of her hand in his, their lips meeting and his strong arm around her shoulder. Their relationship went much further than she had planned, and during Andromeda's sixth year she started to realize that they wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever. And weirdly enough, it didn't seem to bother her as much anymore.

When she was sixteen, she had stopped using the word mudblood. It felt strange in her mouth during those days, and she had suddenly realized the absurdity about it all. Ted, and all the other muggle-borns at Hogwarts, was just as talented and friendly as pure-bloods. They couldn't help which family they were born into, they couldn't change their blood status. Her family's pure-blood mania changed from being something she agreed with even defended, into something she despised and talked against.

Not at home, of course, not with anyone who had any connection with her family. Because as much as she wanted to tell the world about her and Ted, she knew that her family wouldn't take kindly to it. Though she also knew that it was only a matter of time.

Narcissa was the first to find out. She had walked in on them one night, her prefect duties had taken her patrolling trough the corridor where Andromeda and Ted had been kissing.

"Andy!" she exclaimed, shocked. "What are you doing?"

Andromeda and Ted tore apart. As seventh years, they had the perfect right to be out and about at the time, and had they been found by any other prefect nothing would change. Being found by Narcissa, though, meant that Andromeda's family would get the news sooner rather than later.

"Um... I just... Cissy, please, don't tell mother and father?" Andromeda pleaded; something the Black sisters had been told they were above.

"I can't believe you – a mudblood! How could you?" She stared at Andromeda in a sort of daze, before turning around and sprinting back towards the dungeons. Helplessly, Andromeda turned to Ted, who could offer no more than a shrug and a hug as comfort.

Weirdly enough, though, Andromeda heard nothing more of the incident that year – not from Narcissa, not from her parents. She should've known it wouldn't last.

Andromeda's graduation came and went, and with it the beautiful wisps of summer. She spent as much time as she could with Ted – met his family, helped him pick out a flat and even relieved their relationship to one of his friends, Jordan Hankins. He seemed shocked that the girl his friend had fallen for was a Black, but didn't comment further about it. That simple action, or non-action, made him a great person in Andromeda's eyes. As the summer went by she almost forgot what her last name meant, what kind of commitments it brought with it, and she enjoyed every second spent with Ted. He was the love of her life, she just knew that, and she could never imagine it ever ending between them – not for anything.

But nothing lasts forever, and as September begun to loom around the corner, Andromeda got proof of that. On one of the last dinners before Narcissa was to return to school, her secret was finally discovered. The reason was quite simple – her parents had arranged for her to marry Antonin Dolohov. As soon as the news left her father's mouth, she knew that there was no way to avoid the truth anymore. She gave a moment to feel surprised that Narcissa still hadn't told anyone, before she gave room to the other feelings invading her mind.

"I can't marry Dolohov, Father." She could see that they hadn't been expecting that answer. None of them had, except for Narcissa, who was steadily avoiding Andromeda's gaze. At her father's next inquire (_"He is a respectable pure-blood, Andromeda, what, for the love of Merlin, would be a good enough reason to refuse that marriage?"_) she had her answer ready and clear.

"I've already got a boyfriend." She paused for a moment, giving thought to how she would continue. Should she try to cover up, claim that Ted was a pure-blood? Or should she just tell them the truth, get it over with, and finally proved her changed attitude to them? As soon as the thought came to her mind, a picture of her cousin appeared before her eyes. Sirius, the most rebellious of the Black family since their Uncle Alphard, was only eleven, and had already proved numerous times that he didn't agree with the family's blood purity views. If he was able to defy them on such a small age, why wouldn't she? "His name is Ted Tonks, and he was in Hufflepuff in my year at Hogwarts. He is a muggle-born."

The explosion came, as she had expected it to. The next two hours were a nightmare, not like anything she had ever experienced before. Narcissa was crying, Bellatrix raging, her father roaring and her mother sobbing, begging her to change her mind. But Andromeda knew who her heart belonged to, and she wasn't going to change her mind on that.

In the end, she was disowned, burned of the family tree and at eleven o'clock that night she found herself crying in her boyfriend's arms. Her clothes and hair was wet from rain and tears, but she didn't care. It hurt, more than she had imagined it would, to lose her family like that. Hours later, as she lay beside Ted in his bed, in his department, she still didn't know if she had done the right thing.

Their wedding was beautiful. It was scheduled over the Easter holidays, to grant their friends still in school a chance to attend. There weren't many of them – Jordan's little sister, Andromeda's cousin Sirius, and a few carefully selected students they had gotten to know during their school time.

Lucy, Andromeda's only remaining friend from Slytherin, helped her to get ready before the wedding, and even if her smile was slightly forced, Andromeda felt that she couldn't have wished for a better friend if she had wanted to. The white, strapless dress suited her perfectly, and with very little makeup her facial features were highlighted beautifully. At the end of the aisle, she met Ted, looking as dashing as ever, beside a grinning Jordan Hankins, his best man.

The kiss at the end of the ceremony exceeded every other kiss they'd shared, and even though she wished with every part of her being that her family had been there, it was the best day in her life.

The sixteenth of June 1973, the biggest miracle in Andromeda Tonks' life entered the world. Two weeks early, the birth went surprisingly smooth, far smoother than Andromeda herself had imagined childbirth. The Healers of St. Mungo's were talented, and after two hours of pushing and panting, the most wonderful baby ever born was placed in the mother's arms. As Ted crouched down beside the bed to stare, transfixed, at the baby's face, she scrunched up her face, but instead of breaking into a scream, she slowly changed her facial features and the little hair she had to match Ted's exactly. Gasped escaped both Andromeda and Ted; even the Healer seemed surprised.

"She is a metamorphmagus!" Andromeda whispered, staring down at her child, "Ted, she is a metamorphmagus!"

"I know," Ted whispered back, equally awed, before looking up into his wife's eyes, "what shall we name her, Dromeda?"

Andromeda hesitated. She knew that she shouldn't give the girl a name that would get her stares and whispers wherever she went, but she couldn't help the feeling of abandonment that always seemed to face her at moments when she thought her family should have been there. She wanted her daughter to at least have a name that would remind her of her family. "I want to name her Nymphadora. Nymphadora Tonks."

And Ted reached to squeeze her hand, still staring at their daughter, Nymphadora, as if he had never seen anything quite like her. To be fair, he hadn't.

As a child, Andromeda had never understood it when adults said that they were growing too quickly. Time had seemed so slow, creeping by in the pace of a slug, that she found it hard to believe that she was growing at all. But watching her own daughter grow from a baby, to an infant, to a toddler, she realized what they had meant.

Time seemed to fly by, far too quickly for her liking. Nymphadora was seven, riding the toy broomstick Ted had gotten her for her birthday. She was nine, coming with Andromeda to Diagon Alley, staring around at all the magic with an awed, longing gaze. She was eleven, starting Hogwarts, leaving home in an excited rush and with hair changing colour every few minutes.

As the train left platform nine and three quarters, Andromeda couldn't keep the tears at bay anymore. Her baby was growing up, and there was nothing she could do about it. Ted sneaked his arm around her, pulling her close and leaning down toward her ear. "You have to let go, Dromeda. She isn't an adult just yet, but she will be soon. You've got to let her go."

And Andromeda tried, she really did. She watched her daughter take her OWLs, her NEWTs, watched her leave Hogwarts and go into Auror training. Her heart swelled with both pride and sadness when Dora became a full-fledged Auror; pride because her daughter was doing something important, something _right_, and sadness because her little girl was an adult now, a grown up woman who no longer needed her mother there to take care of her.

Every time Nymphadora was sent on a mission, Andromeda worried. She couldn't help but wait up well into the night, thinking of all the horrible scenarios her daughter had already been through and hoping that she would pull through this one as well. But when she joined the Order of the Phoenix in summer 1995, she felt nothing but pride and gratefulness – her daughter knew right from wrong, and she was ready to fight for the good's victory. It proved that Nymphadora was a Tonks, and that she didn't let her Black lineage affect her in any way.

Andromeda had been through a wizarding war already, and she knew exactly what Lord Voldemort was capable of. The new war, though, had gone far further than she had imagined. As Ted silently packed his backpack, she couldn't help but remembering how Bellatrix, all those years ago, had smiled in ecstasy every time she talked about the Dark Lord, how she had told them that he would end the free lives of "unworthy mudbloods". Andromeda realized, now, how right her older sister had been.

Her husband had to leave, because of his blood status. She had never heard of anything more unfair, of anything as disgusting as the Ministry's new propaganda. Worry stained her life every waking minute after he left; nightmares disturbed her sleep during the nights. She didn't know what she would do if anything happened to him.

She got the answer to that a lot sooner than she had wished. Kingsley Shacklebolt of the Order came to her with the news. Ted was dead, killed by snappers, together with another muggle-born and a goblin. He didn't have any more information than that, and she was left alone in shock and grief.

She didn't know who the snappers that killed him were, but she had a few guesses. She just wished her sisters didn't have anything to do with it – she couldn't bear the thought of him being killed by her family members, even though they hadn't spoken to each other in many years. Family… family… New sobs had racked Andromeda's body as she realized that he had died without knowing that his daughter was pregnant. He had died without the knowledge of a grandchild, a grandchild he would never know. The world was a cruel place, and Death Eaters didn't make it any better.

Andromeda didn't get any sleep that night. She spent hours in her sitting room, in front of the fire, crying and somehow wishing that she had been there with him – that she had been able to say "I love you" only one more time.

The next Easter was the most hectic in Andromeda's life. Because of the war situation, there was no chance of getting the hysterical Nymphadora Tonks to St. Mungo's, and still she was lying in her bed in Andromeda's house, about to give birth. Andromeda had never been through any childbirth except Nymphadora's, and while she had knowledge of basic healing, she didn't know anything about how to help a child into the world.

But even though Andromeda's grandson entered the world after a rather dramatic five hours, he was as healthy as any child. As she stood in the doorway, watching Nymphadora lying in the bed with her new-born son in her arms, and Remus crouching down beside her, she got a sense of nostalgia. That was the exact position she and Ted had been in when Nymphadora was born. The dialogue seemed strangely familiar as well; "Dora? What do you think we should name -him?"

And Nymphadora smiled down at the boy, looking up at Remus and then she let her eyes wander toward Andromeda. "I want him to be called Ted; in honour of Dad."

That was all it took for Andromeda to break down.

She had never experienced a night like the one of the 2nd of May 1998. Nothing could match it – not when she was disowned, not when Teddy was born. Remus left for Hogwarts as soon as he heard about the upcoming battle, and after an hour of hesitation and pacing, Nymphadora went after him. She wasn't the kind of woman who sat back at home to let the men handle all the danger; she was brave, far braver than Andromeda had ever been.

Therefore Andromeda spent the night in the sitting room, silently singing lullaby's to the sleeping, barely a month year old Teddy Lupin, hoping with every last part of her being that he would have his parents back in no time. But not much seemed to go Andromeda's way in life.

Minerva McGonnagall turned up the next morning, quietly entering the room. Her voice cracked as she gave Andromeda the news; her daughter and son-in-law, her grandson's parents, would not be returning. Tears slipped down Andromeda's cheeks, but not a word, not a sob escaped her. She couldn't quite believe it; it wasn't possible that she had lost the three people who meant the most to her in less than six months.

The anger hit when Minerva told her who had killed them. "Bellatrix Lestrange got Nymphadora… She was killed by Molly Weasley later on. Remus fought against three Death Eaters, and after he had taken out the first two, Antonin Dolohov hit him. They were both very brave, but sometimes that's not enough."

Bellatrix. It was Bellatrix who had killer Nymphadora. Andromeda felt the anger rush to the surface faster than it had done since her teens. How could her sister be so cruel? Had she really been able to kill her niece in revenge of Andromeda's marriage? And when had she become so vengeful? She hadn't been like that when they were children – she had just been a normal girl with dreams, ambitions and ideas. When had she become so mad?

And she was dead as well. Killed by another mother; how ironic life and death could be. Andromeda felt coldness spread through her body. She didn't know what she should do; grieve her daughter, her sister or both? How do you face a situation like that? She didn't know, and she didn't expect many others to know either. No matter what, family bounds were strong, and not many women would be able to kill their niece, but apparently Bellatrix, her sister, was one of the few.

Remus had been killed by Antonin. Was that revenge as well? Revenge for refusing to marry him all those years ago? Minerva hadn't told her if he made it through the battle or not, and she didn't want to know. She had no idea what to do – a grief stronger than anything she had ever experienced before was weighing her heart down, and the tears slipped more frequently from her eyes, creating small brooks of salt water creeping down her cheeks.

Teddy was crying, and as she picked him up, she felt her last defences break. He had lost everything, just as much as she had. They were both alone, except for each other. "I will take care of you, sweetheart," she whispered, "I will take care of you for your parents – and with the two of them in your genes, I'm sure you will turn out a very brave man." Her voice broke.

Another night was spent crying in front of the fire in the sitting room, but Andromeda was determined that this would be the last. She would stay strong for her grandson; stay strong for the loved ones who had left her. She wouldn't let their deaths take her down as well.

Andromeda slowly lifts her head, looking around the room, still as dusty as before. Her sobs have subsided, and she takes a deep breath as she stands up and replaces the wedding photo. She can't live in the past when there are people in the present that needs her. With that, she rises and leaves the house without looking back. She is ready to move on now.

**A/N Well... If you've gotten this far, it must mean something, right? Anyway, this is my first ever serious story in english, so if you have noticed anything wrong with the grammar or spelling (which I'm pretty sure you have), please leave a review. Thanks. ^^**

**Wolfsbane**


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